Three word story...

your hand playfully

and squeeze your

bum quite firmly

because I want

to make you

do that thing

you do when

you get down

low, then I

go up high

to make sure

you don't cry

or smack me

in the eye

with a big

shitty ming stick

and i cry

myself to sleep

because at night

I need you

George Michael arrived far too early with his big bag of shopping, carrying it like a bow-legged chicken that's taken acid and some speed with afternoon tea.

All of a sudden, an almighty crash, bang, wallop.

What to do??

Oh I know, we can play a game called three word story. It works like this. I say three words then you kiss me. Unfortunatly that never would happen bacuase some of us find you repulsive and hate the way you always sing out of tune. But I force myself to like you bacause I'm sad like that.

Will you maybe one day go away and leave us alone becuase you really, really suck and are a crap, worthless form of a human being and one day you will die.

When that day comes I will be screaming for you to come back to me and everytime you say I love you, I throw up in my new shoes that cost me three pounds fifty and they are yellow and lovely, so I'm not too impressed with, and wish you had come sooner so I could go and get less expensive shoes to wear during my throwing up.

My mum says I am special becuase I like random people like you and that freaks her out becuase she's homophobic. I hate the stupid F*cking bitch and I wish she would just accept that I'm GAY!!!

I love the girls and it's so natural to be close to a woman and it feels right to kiss their forhead when they're having a wee becuase I go about all warm and cozy when I feel your presence near me.

I wanna hold your big toe in a tissue so it's warm when I put an ice-cube on my tongue and then grab your ear so I can nibble it and make the sounds you wanna hear. You are the most important person to me and I will be very happr when I get to hol you in my arms and fall asleep an stay with you for as long as possible.

Your eyes are nice and blue and shiny too, and I wanna stare into then forever and ever. Amen.

Whilst placing my hand on your ass, I suddenly started to sing 'put your back into it', thinking about how much I want you to kiss me all over my half-toned body and inbetween my two boobs, but only when you tell me to do the sexy Zoe dance.

Get on the floor and do the Zoe dance, which I do rather well until I fall over and feel really stupid because I embarrassed myself in the middle of my awesome dancefloor antics and my skirt went over my head and you saw my red undies as well as what I had underneathe. You pervert!

So then I kissed you gently as you joine me in (THE Caira) shower with your clothes on the floor of the shower and you were very excited to see me naked and getting you all soapy and scrubbing you back, making my way down your hot, wet, soapy body.

I then kick you in the toe for being too slow when I want you to get down and boogie with me when I do the cha-cha.

Instead you want to take a ride on the merry go round, but then you change your mind and go swinging on the swing but fall off and hit your shoulder for laughing with the cows (WTF??????). And the dogs all barked at, (ME Laura) as we pushed past the pigs through the mud, over the bridge into the pit fall of balls as well as screaming children that keep spitting and swallowing tiny objects, forcing me to laugh at them and tickle them on the head before they vomit all over you and down my nice, new trousers.

Oh how I loved thouse trousers and am sad becuase your stupid crappy mess of vomit has everything in it and smells like my granny's chair. So thanks alot! I wipe myself with your top so as you feel my pain as I hit your hand playfully and squeeze your bum quite firmly becuase I want to make you do that thing you do when you get down low. Then I go up high to make sure you don't cry or smack me in the eye with a big shitty ming stick and I cry myself to sleep becuase at night I need you.

This story has

Halarious! lmao!!

What good story tellers we are!

Ha! Go us!

come real far...

and it's time